The twins have gone through a few different stages of attachment to snugglies. Even at the very young age of a couple months Gwen lost interest in a pacifier and preferred her thumb instead. When they were several months old we gave Gwen a stuffed elephant that would play music when you pulled his tail. She seemed moderately interested in it, enough so that it got pretty dirty over time and we had to figure out how to wash it. It didn’t seem feasible to put the music box in the washing machine, nor did it seem like we could get it clean by wiping the fur, so Melissa performed an episiotomy and removed the music box. Gwen hasn’t missed the music since then, though she has become much more attached to elephant. She takes the two strings that come from his head, wraps them around her hand and sucks her thumb. Her elephant is also the subject of the first sentence she ever said. When she can’t find him she will earnestly ask “Where is he?!?”

Teddy prefers pacifiers to this day. Not long after he was born we discovered WubbaNubs. These are preferable because they are more efficient: they combine a pacifier with a snuggly. Teddy now has a monkey, a tiger and a duck. However, we aren’t sure how much longer he can have them because he has started shredding them with his teeth. He and Gwen both call them “passers”.

We have now gotten to the point where it is a dire situation if we can’t find their snugglies. One day Melissa could not find elephant anywhere and Gwen had to nap without him. Later in the day we found him in the onion bin in the pantry. Another example: we were at IKEA one night when we realized that Teddy did not have his dinosaur WubbaNub. We retraced our steps through the entire store but couldn’t find it and had to go home without it. On a subsequent trip to IKEA a few months later Chris watched Teddy shove his pacifier behind a shelf full of bathroom items, and herein lies the problem: both babies have a habit of throwing or hiding things that they want (especially when they are mad). Teddy will throw his pacifier on the ground and will immediately say “Uh oh!”. Everett observed this today and said “Teddy. It’s not uh oh if you chucked it!” Indeed.

Melissa and Chris celebrated their 9th wedding anniversary this week. This started on Wednesday night when Melissa gave Chris his anniversary gifts (chocolate covered almonds and a new pair of waterproof winter pants). Chris’ gift to Melissa was a night out on Friday night. First we went to Chris Johnson’s house for the SCI Family & Friends Get Together, then to Sapa for a quick sushi dinner, and finally to Painting with a Twist where we sat next to each other and each painted one half of Starry Night. This turned out much better than either of us expected.




Halfway through the evening there was a competition to see who could paint on a paper plate on top of his or her head. The scene was supposed to contain ocean waves, an island with a palm tree, and a fish swimming in the ocean. Melissa won the competition for painting the best duck. Melissa later said that this was “one of the highest quality dates we have ever had, because of talking.” She also clarified that going to movies is nice but doesn’t allow as much, you know, talking.

In 2005 Chris gave Melissa a folding photo book that he bought in Copenhagen. We have used it for our anniversary photos every since, and each year when we go through it we are reminded of how much our lives have changed. The arrival of the twins and our move last year have certainly accelerated these changes. We feel a sense of gratitude for each other, for our children, and for the many positive changes we have experienced since moving to Utah. Chris has been very happy with his new job, and the whole family has been happy with our new house.

Another tradition is to take a family photo. Expectations often run high with these kinds of photos – they need to be perfect! We gave up on this a while ago and now we just wrangle everyone into position and snap it. It’s harder than it looks.

Postscript
We enjoyed a couple glasses of wine while we were painting on Friday night. The way that they served it was a reminder of one of the oddities of living in Utah: how alcohol is sold and dispensed. First, we were asked at the door if we would like to participate in a wine tasting, and if so it would be $5 per person (not sure why we couldn’t pay this when we signed up for the event). We were then given a small piece of paper explaining that wine is made by fermenting grapes and that its color comes from their skin (presumably this was the educational portion of the wine tasting). Then we were told that each of us would get 4 2.5oz pours of wine. The wine was perfect to accompany painting, but it was also funny that it was a 1.5L bottle of a relatively common red wine and this was the only variety we drank that evening. There were two painting instructors that evening. One was on stage giving us instructions. The other was walking around the floor giving advice, and importantly he would periodically go through and refill everyone’s glass using a special mechanical metering system attached to the wine bottle that presumably provided 2.5oz at a time. Fortunately he wasn’t very good at counting and gave us each some number of glasses that may not be exactly equal to 4. I might have been more or might have been less – I don’t want to provide details in case the Utah Alcohol Beverage Control Commission is reading this website. You see, in Utah the sale and distribution of alcohol is controlled by a board that is composed of people who don’t drink and who come up with bewildering and sometimes irritating ideas. The description on their website reads “Utah’s system of controlling the sale of alcoholic beverages is not as unique as most people believe.” This statement reflects two things. First, poor grammar. “Unique” means one of a kind, and it is incorrect to use comparators or modifiers relative to uniqueness (i.e. there is no such thing as more unique, most unique, pretty unique, highly unique, not as unique, somewhat unique, etc). Second, some degree of self-awareness about their strange ideas. They go on to state that “There are eighteen states and one county in Maryland which control the sale of alcoholic beverages at either the wholesale or retail level.” The county in Maryland that they are referring to is Montgomery County, which is where Chris grew up. It is true that in some regards Montgomery County is more restrictive than the state of Utah. For example, by disallowing the sale of any alcohol in grocery stores, even beer. However, Utah has staked out a reputation for being so weird about alcohol that people across the nation believe that it’s impossible to get a drink in the Beehive State, while almost no one bats an eye about alcohol sales in Montgomery County. Here is a small, carefully metered sampler of Utah weirdness:
-You cannot buy regular beer cold. Only low alcohol beer can be bought cold.
-If you buy regular beer, you can only buy one bottle at a time. There is no such thing as a 6-pack or 12-pack or a case. Every bottle is scanned and sold individually.
-Regular beer is only served in bottles; draft beer from kegs is only low alcohol.
-Regular beer, wine and liquor can only be purchased at State Liquor Stores which are open from 11am-7pm Monday through Saturday, closed Sunday and holidays.
-With only one exception that we are aware of, the State Liquor Stores are about the size of a corner market in Manhattan, with about the same selection.
-Restaurants and bars can have many different types of liquor licenses. This is bewildering for patrons because you never know what is going to happen after you order a drink. Some places will only serve you a drink if you also order food. Some places claim that they have to keep a handwritten log of all drinks served. Others claim that it’s illegal for the bartender to serve you a drink at the bar – he has to set it on a special table at the end of the bar and a server will bring it to you, which is strange because he is right in front of you when he pours it. One more: there is a place in Park City who claims that it’s illegal for you to carry your drink from the bar to your table; they do it for you using a special tray.

Homebrew anyone?

This is a hectic week. Actually, it feels like most weeks are hectic during this phase of our life. Sean and Kathy and the boys arrived last Saturday for a weeklong visit. They also offered to watch our children so that we could get away for a night! This was very generous, and it took some persuasion, but they talked us into it. We went to Ogden on Saturday afternoon and came back on Sunday about midday. This is the first time since the twins were born that we have spent the night without taking care of them. It was a great trip, and it felt like we were away for a much longer period of time. We had a fantastic dinner at Hanamaru and stayed at the Alaskan Inn. We were surprised to find that the other two sushi restaurants we considered were completely full. On one hand it was Saturday night. On the other hand, we didn’t expect to find so much going on in Ogden.

Sunday night was cold and incredibly windy. There have been a few days since we moved here in which we experienced strong winds that can make the east-facing rooms very cold. On Monday morning we noticed that the temperature in the house was about 10 degrees below the thermostat setting. Chris is too overwhelmed at work to troubleshoot these problems anymore so we called the home warranty company and they sent someone to the house in the afternoon. The repairman discovered that the air intake from the outside was obstructed by a tennis ball, along with some sticks and dirt. The air intake is a PVC pipe that is slightly larger than a tennis ball and is coincidentally at a height that is easily reachable by all of the children. It is also coincidental that the twins went to Discovery Gateway last week and thoroughly enjoyed playing in a room where you put balls into pipes. However, this isn’t proof of the culprit(s), and we are planning to line up the six suspects to get to the bottom of this.

Sean left Sunday afternoon for a conference at Sundance which wraps up about midday on Tuesday. Amy Silliman, a close friend of Chris’, is visiting Salt Lake from New Zealand and we went to the zoo with her in the afternoon on Monday and then she came over for dinner. Chris left Tuesday morning for a conference in Cologne, returning Sunday. That means that for the next few days the ratio of children to adults will vary between 2-3 to 1. To put this in perspective it’s useful to think about how many different groupings are possible among 6 children: 56. And each child wants some interaction with each adult, which increases the number of possible interactions by a factor of 4 if all adults are home. This doesn’t include adult-adult interactions because these generally aren’t possible while the children are awake. It’s useful to view it this way to quantify the constant buzz of activity that occurs when the children are together. It is never dull, and we feel a deep sense of gratitude that we can spend this time with our friends and family.

Taking care of the babies between 4-6pm is rough. It would probably be easier if there were at least three adults here during that time – one to take care of each baby and one to cook. However, Melissa does this by herself and what usually happens is that one or both babies are screaming while she is trying to fix dinner. It’s not unlike this description of breakfast from The Honest Toddler:

Good Morning! Wow it’s like it has been forever. You look good. You look okay. Actually you look bad. Sick. Like there’s something wrong in your body. Like something is draining you. Anyway for breakfast I’ll have 6 plain pancakes with a circumference of no more than five inches but no less than six. Also, I just wanted to bring to your attention that traditionally pancakes are round. Do you know what “round” means? I’m just asking because last time it looked like you were trying to be artistic or were cooking with a paper bag on your head. I’ll have my pancakes on the red plate. Not the red one with the green trim or the brick colored one, RED. Yes, the one that shattered yesterday. I’m sure you’ll figure something out. God help you if I see a crack. Also, I would like my pancake intact but in bite-sized pieces. Don’t break my pancakes but please cut them. I want them undamaged but in small pieces so I can eat. Do you see what I’m saying? Perfect but altered. It’s not hard. Follow your heart but keep in mind that if you get it wrong I’ll make today hard. Ok I’ll be in the family room sitting in your lap while you also cook in the kitchen. Love you. (so hungry)

Indeed, toddlers can be pretty unreasonable. By the time Chris get’s home around 6pm everyone’s nerves can be pretty raw.

This weekend Everett watched Mary Poppins for the first time. He loved it. It was also a chance for us to see it again and recall some of the best parts, one of which was some of the words and phrases they used (such as Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious). So the next night when Chris got home from work he asked “Melissa, would you be good enough to explain this unseemly hullabaloo?!?” Fortunately everyone laughed. It might have been a tense situation otherwise.

There is a hole in our backyard that is about 14 feet wide and 3 feet deep. It’s the perfect size and shape for an in-ground trampoline. Coincidentally, this is exactly what used to be in it until we bought the house. Naturally Everett was curious about it, and after we moved in he started climbing into it and looking around. Soon after that he started excavating rocks out of the walls by digging the surrounding dirt away using sticks and shovels. Chris’ first instinct when he saw Everett doing this was to say “Stop! You are ruining this hole!” Chris’ second instinct was to listen to his inner voice which was saying “Wait…what?!? How exactly is this hole being ruined, and what do you plan on using it for? Also, keep in mind that Everett is spending hours outside while digging in this hole with his friends.” Fortunately Chris was able to listen to the latter when deciding how to deal with the situation. To be fair, Melissa and Chris have been talking about plans for the hole that included a pond (not a great idea given the age of the babies), a shark tank (Melissa has wanted a backyard shark tank since she was young) and a giant igloo (though we have never built one this big, and even if we did the hole isn’t required, and in any case we are currently in the middle of the non-winter of 2014-2015 which hasn’t provided sufficient snow for an igloo). So none of these ideas are terribly realistic. Anyway, this is what the hole looks like after Everett and his friends have been digging in it for a few months. Can you see how it’s been ruined? We can’t either.

According to our children one of the best drinks in the world is “Dada water”. This is a term Everett started using a few years ago for the glass of water that Chris keeps at his bedside at night. Everett preferred this cup of water over all others. Many mornings he comes into our room, drinks the entire glass and then lets out a satisfied sigh. A couple years ago Chris starting joking that it was made using a secret formula, and about a year ago Everett wrote down the recipe for it: “cold wader [sic]”. After that it became know as “special recipe Dada water”.

Gwen has decided that the food on Mama’s plate is the most desirable and delicious in the house, even if everyone at the table is eating the exact same thing (which is almost always true these days as the babies have now transitioned to solid food). We have developed a dinnertime ritual where Gwen will have a couple bites from her plate and then look at Melissa’s plate and say “Bite?”, and Melissa will tell her that it’s all the exact same food, and Gwen will say “Bite? Bite? Bite?” and then refuse to eat her own food. We recently got new chairs at the kitchen table, and they have square edges that provide an almost continuous surface if you put them right next to each other. Gwen takes advantage of this by slowly sliding off of her chair and onto Melissa’s lap (we call this “the booty slide”). Then she will take Melissa’s silverware and help herself. Teddy watched this for a while from his high chair, but eventually started wondering (rightfully) why he didn’t get to sit in someone’s lap. The difference between them is that while Gwen wants Mama food, Teddy just wants to be held and sometimes to drink the coveted Dada water from Chris’ glass. Both of them strenuously object when Chris makes it clear that he is going to hold the glass for them while they drink.

The other night Chris and Melissa looked at each other and laughed at the absurdity of this situation, and we contemplated how much screaming we might have to endure to have a normal dinner again where all the children sit in their seats, or how long we might have to wait for the twins to outgrow this behavior. One short term solution is that we feed the children first and then we eat later, though with this approach we miss having family dinner and we are pretty hungry by the time we are able to eat. Fortunately there have been some signs of progress with regard to eating. First, we have started using time-outs as a consequence for throwing food, plates, cups or silverware off the dinner table. This has drastically reduced the number of things we need to pick up during and after dinner. Second, Gwen has spontaneously started looking out for Teddy. If she gets a snack then she will say “Teddy?” and reach out her other hand to get a portion for him as well. Then she will deliver it to him before she eats. It’s remarkable to watch, especially at this age.

In the past we have written about how much we enjoy collective nouns. This is for a few reasons. First, because so many of them are delightfully clever (a paradox of platypus is one of our recent favorites). Second, because they tell us a lot about the history of English and society, in particular the knowledge that was deemed necessary to be a gentleman (see “The Compaynys of Beestys and Fowlys” in the Book of St Albans, a copy of which is now online). And third because once you become aware of them you realize that you have been using them your entire life and perhaps haven’t even noticed them, but once you become aware you can’t stop noticing them. Or at least we can’t. And we were delighted to learn that Everett recently performed a school exercise related to collective nouns.


Now the only thing keeping Chris from reading An Exaltation of Larks with Everett is that it’s in a box somewhere (at least we think it is) and we haven’t been able to find it yet.

We have recently had another experience of noticing something that, in retrospect, has probably been there for some time. Chris was looking east after dark a couple weeks before Christmas and noticed some lights in the hillside across the valley from our house. They were faint but definitely there.

The location of the lights isn’t near any house, and there are no utilities nearby, so it was a bit of a mystery where they were coming from.

He showed them to Everett, and we started checking on them before bed each night. Some nights they were off, and some nights they were on, but they never changed location. Chris used a zoom lens to take a picture of them.

From this they appear to be an unusual pattern of multi-colored strand lights. We came up with all sorts of speculation about their purpose, ranging from simple holiday lights to communication with extraterrestrials. About a week ago on a bright Saturday morning we put the babies in their carriers and hiked up the hill in the snow to investigate. We found a lone pine tree that was loosely draped with colored rope lights that were wired to solar panels on the surrounding trees.


Judging from the discoloration in the plastic we think they must have been there for at least a couple years if not longer. We also deduced, and subsequently observed, that the lights are brightest after a sunny day (due to the higher abundance of solar energy) and that they don’t seem visible after dark, stormy days (which we had several of around Christmas). Mystery partly solved, though we have not yet figured out who put them there. There are probably no aliens involved, but we will keep checking and send updates with any new developments.

We are growing familiar with the local fauna at our new house. There are also many rodents in the neighborhood including squirrels, chipmunks, porcupines and mice. Lots of mice. We catch a couple per week in our house and we recently noticed that the window wells in the basement are full of them. We also often noticed them running around the yard and even in the road.

There are also snakes – rattlesnakes are sighted often enough to be of concern, and while riding home one night Chris almost ran over a great basin gopher snake on Emigration Canyon Road. Everett seems fascinated by snakes, and the babies don’t seem to mind them either, at least judging from the way they handle their snake bath toy. However, the presence of snakes is a good incentive for Chris to thin the mouse population.

Among larger animals, deer are such a common occurrence that we don’t even have photos of them. There is a doe and two babies that we see often making their rounds through the backyard and sometimes nesting down for the night. Today Chris and Everett were launching rockets in the backyard when we found an antler in the snow at the back edge of our property.

We have also noticed droppings from larger animals, most likely elk, which we haven’t seen but they are known to pass through this area twice a year. Lastly, Chris saw a moose while driving home a couple weeks ago. He managed to get a couple pictures with his phone before it disappeared into the trees. Coincidentally, soon after this one of our neighbors found a moose in her backyard that appeared to die from natural causes.



There is a rabbit who has been showing up to eat breakfast on our front steps for several weeks now. Teddy and Gwen seem to really enjoy seeing him.

Lastly, over the holidays Chris and Everett built a snow fort in the backyard. Chris joked with Trinity and Everett to be careful when they go out there because a family of porcupines moved in. They weren’t sure if they should believe this or not, but they eventually decided that Chris was kidding. However, we have noticed that there is some kind of animal who moved in: there is a pile of mud and straw on top of the snow on the floor of the fort, big enough for a large rodent to nestle in. We aren’t aware of any animals who nest this way, and we haven’t seen who it is, so it’s a bit of a mystery at the moment. Speaking of mysteries, the next blog entry is on the Mystery Lights…

The Barbers live in Cincinnati and have been Bengals fans for some time. Melissa is also a Bengals fan, or at least she was until we moved to Wisconsin (for Christmas this year she asked for an Aaron Rodgers jersey – should Chris be concerned?). Anyway, Gabby and Grandaddy came to visit us and they were at our house when the Bengals played the Broncos a few days before Christmas. It was a Monday night, and Amanda made a comment that Cincinnati never plays well under the lights. Everett is a Packers fan, but he has a soft spot for Gabby and Grandaddy’s team, so he agreed to intervene on their behalf. He has been reading a lot of Harry Potter lately with Mama, so naturally the first thing he reached for was his magic wand. He cast a few spells, then he and Chris went outside to build an idol in the snow, then more spells.

It was a nerve-wracking game but every time the Bengals got into a pickle (which seemed to be often) Everett was able to help them out of it. As Everett says “It’s time to get the de-pickler!”. This is all well and good, though we note that Marvin Lewis did not acknowledge Everett in the post-game interview. For whatever reason Everett decided not to intervene on behalf of Cincinnati during the next two games, both of which they lost. The wizard giveth and the wizard taketh away.

This is also interesting because despite Aaron Rodger’s leg injury, the Packers made the playoffs this year and they are scheduled to play the Seahawks today. Seattle is favored by 7.5 points according to “the computer” on “the internet”, but Everett has assured us that the Packers will win and if they get in a jam then he will help them. He says this will be easy.

Mealtime in our household is no longer what it once was. For example, we (Chris & Melissa) used to sit together and eat slowly and talk about what we did that day and interesting topics from the news or any number of subjects. This no longer happens. Instead, here is an up to date description of meals:
-Melissa fixes dinner. Everett announces that he doesn’t like it, even if it’s been his favorite food for the last 6 years and he asked Melissa to fix it (this is only a mild exaggeration).
-We put Teddy in his chair and give him his dinner. He refuses to eat.
-We put Gwen in her chair. She screams and cries and straightens her body to keep her bottom off the seat. If we force her into her seat then she screams and cries louder and then and throws her dinner plate (and everything within reach) onto the floor. After a while she will sometimes settle down and eat, but within a few minutes she says “Up! Up! Up!”, and if we get her out of her chair she walks about 8 inches over to Melissa’s chair and says “Up! Up! Up!” and then wants to sit in Melissa’s lap and eat her dinner. The only compromise we have found is for Gwen to sit in a regular grown-up chair at the head of the table. She can’t really see much, so she often kneels on the chair, and this naturally leads to standing. We constantly tell her she may not stand on the chair but only lasts a couple minutes. Tonight she fell off her chair. Fortunately she is ok. We decided today that it’s time to start putting the babies in time-out as a consequence for bad behavior.
-Teddy is determined to use a fork to eat his food. Nonetheless, he throws the first three forks we give him on the ground while saying “Uh-oh”. Eventually he has a few bites of food, then wants a cup of water so that he can conduct experiments. He puts bites of food in the water and mixes it up with the fork. After a while he dumps the cup in his lap and wants to start over. When we tell him no he cries and throws his dinner plate on the floor.
-While this is happening, Everett is doing anything but eating his food. He talks about his day, tells us how much he doesn’t like his dinner and wants to get up every few minutes to get things from the kitchen, go to the bathroom, etc. After not eating dinner he is ready for dessert.
-When there is a clearing in the overall level of commotion, Chris and Melissa try to shove food in their mouths as quickly as possible.

Fortunately the children do cute and funny things from time to time. This morning Chris was talking to Melissa about scientific data when Everett suddenly perked up and said “Who is Scientific Dada?!?” (he was confused by the fact that Chris pronounced data with two short a sounds). It was one of the funnier things we have heard in a while and this be be Chris’ new nickname!